Opinion: Is it okay to be happy when the world is falling apart?

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Pinning happiness on some future moment in time is a guaranteed path to disillusionment and discontent. Photo / Getty Images
Joanna Wane is an award-winning senior feature writer with a special focus on social issues and the arts.
OPINION
In the pursuit of happiness, sometimes it’s okay to allow yourself to feel sad.

The guru is coming. I’d never heard of Bangalore-based Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, but his Art
of Living Foundation has centres in 180 countries, including New Zealand, and he’s been here twice before.

I suspect most Kiwis, like me, are somewhat sceptical of gurus. The only notable one we’ve had is Centrepoint’s Bert Potter and we all know how that turned out. (When I did an online search for “New Zealand + guru”, a story about next year’s tour by Aussie rock band the Hoodoo Gurus popped up.)
Still, I was up for it when an invitation to attend The Art of Living’s “Happiness Programme” popped into my inbox. So along I schlepped to their HQ in Avondale, with my water bottle, notebook and yoga mat.
I’ve done a bit of meditation before and I’m down with learning how to superpower your breathing – Shankar has his own trademarked technique. Self-consciousness set aside, the immersive, communal nature of the workshop made for a warm and engaging experience.
The general aim – beyond world peace – is to find an inner equilibrium that helps you move through the world more lightly. Not in blissful ignorance of the multitude of miseries currently facing humanity but without becoming so paralysed you’re unable to act.
A friend who’s incorporated the breathing and meditation practice into his daily routine for the past 10 years says it’s been transformative, after struggling with anxiety, stress and a sense of isolation for much of his life.
For me, what resonated most strongly was the takeaway we were asked to consider at the end of the first evening: what do you need to be happy and when will you be happy? I’ve been exposed to enough philosophical musing to know both are trick questions.
Happiness doesn’t come from external factors (although things like having good health and enough money to pay the bills certainly helps). It’s elusive and transitory, and pinning happiness on some future moment in time is a guaranteed path to disillusionment and discontent.
Bindi Chouhan, one of the workshop facilitators, was introduced to The Art of Living by her father when she was 16, to help her cope with the loss of a close cousin in a car accident. She says it felt like coming home. The daily practice has now been part of her “mental hygiene” for the past 24 years.
When we de-link our happiness from people and situations, she says, our lives become an expression of happiness rather than the pursuit of it.
“Fully accepting things for what they are isn’t about turning a blind eye to the pain or challenges around you, but recognising the need and becoming available to take action and support people through these difficult times.”
The modern obsession with happiness, as if it’s a human right, is often insufferably self-centred, but the Art of Living has a service-based ethos and its centres are run by volunteers.
In the first year after the Christchurch earthquake, some 2500 people took part in free trauma-relief programmes, and a volunteer roster ran sessions online every day during lockdown. Free courses have also been provided at women’s refuge centres and in six prisons nationwide, for both staff and inmates.
Auckland psychiatrist and sleep specialist Tony Fernando is a former Buddhist monk. In that tradition, he says, the foundation for achieving genuine and lasting happiness is not causing harm – to yourself or others. “In other words, living ethically.”
In his new book, Life Hacks from the Buddha, he writes about “dukkha”, the constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction that exists at the core of human experience. “In our current language, we call this stress.”
Being in the moment – not constantly relitigating the past or worrying about the future – is often cited as the path to peace of mind. It’s much harder to do than it sounds. And the feelings you’re sitting with won’t always be happy ones. I think that’s okay, too.
Recently, I spent the weekend with a friend who’s going through a rough patch. “I’ll try to be more fun next time,” he messaged me. I wish happiness for him. Of course, I do. But don’t be a goose, I told him. You can be sad with me any time.
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